I fold my hands on the table, leaning forward, keeping my head ducked. I hear what she's saying- more, I hear what she means. I appreciate it. Natalia is a complicated woman, to say the least, and I have always had the deepest respect for her abilities and, once I came to trust her, who she is.
Who she's shown herself to be, at least. I don't presume to know her any better than she'd let me, because I'm not an idiot.
But the important thing- more important than the years we've spent fighting side by side, the missions we've undertaken together, what we've shared- is that she loves James Buchanan Barnes, and he loves her, and he trusts her implicitly. That's worth more than can be put easily into words.
"All I do is fail him, Tasha," I say quietly. "Every time it's important, I let him down. I wouldn't do it, this time. I wouldn't let it happen that way again, and we beat it- got through it alive, stopped the plane from getting away, sent Zemo right to hell where he belongs- and it wasn't enough. God or the universe or whatever runs this show decided it wasn't enough and then I had to choose to allow it to happen the way it did before. To get us out of the loop, I had to choose to let Bucky lose his arm. I had to choose to let the Soviets make him into the Winter Soldier. After I promised- swore- I never would." The lines of my hands, my knuckles and the white cloth wrapped around my hand over the cut from the bar glass, are all taut. I force them to relax.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2011-11-07 06:40 am (UTC)Who she's shown herself to be, at least. I don't presume to know her any better than she'd let me, because I'm not an idiot.
But the important thing- more important than the years we've spent fighting side by side, the missions we've undertaken together, what we've shared- is that she loves James Buchanan Barnes, and he loves her, and he trusts her implicitly. That's worth more than can be put easily into words.
"All I do is fail him, Tasha," I say quietly. "Every time it's important, I let him down. I wouldn't do it, this time. I wouldn't let it happen that way again, and we beat it- got through it alive, stopped the plane from getting away, sent Zemo right to hell where he belongs- and it wasn't enough. God or the universe or whatever runs this show decided it wasn't enough and then I had to choose to allow it to happen the way it did before. To get us out of the loop, I had to choose to let Bucky lose his arm. I had to choose to let the Soviets make him into the Winter Soldier. After I promised- swore- I never would." The lines of my hands, my knuckles and the white cloth wrapped around my hand over the cut from the bar glass, are all taut. I force them to relax.
"So what is there to say."